


The REAL White Council

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Azog is a romantic at heart I don't care what anyone else says, Complete crack, Crack, F/M, I was on a plane and I was bored and sleep deprived this is why I need to get enough sleep okay, I'm Sorry Tolkien, M/M, Poor Tolkien is probably rolling in his grave, Why did I start writing this again, bad things happen, idek what I was doing, this was funny at the time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2017-12-07 17:15:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/751021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The White Council is actually a shipping club.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse for this

“So, Gandalf—have you made any progress?” Galadriel asked.

“I think Thorin still hates Bilbo, but I think Bilbo’s warming up to Thorin,” Gandalf responded.

“I don’t know,” Elrond said. “Thorin was pretty protective of Bilbo when we rode in,”

“Not specifically towards him—I think we might have to call in Azog on this one.”

The others nodded in agreement.

“What about Dwalin and Ori?” Galadriel asked.

“They’re close—it won’t be long until one of them makes a move,” Gandalf said.

“I noticed that when the Wargs startled us in the clearing, Ori was Dwalin’s first priority,” Radaghast said. “I don’t think they need anymore pushes from us.”

Galadriel nodded. “Gandalf, you and Thranduil will take care of Kili and Legolas when they reach Mirkwood?”

Gandalf and Thranduil nodded.

“Should be easy enough. By then Bilbo and Thorin should be together so we’ll distract Thorin with bilbo and Kili and Legolas will be good,” Thranduil said.

“Great,” Galadriel said. “This month’s meeting of Middle-earth’s shipping club is adjourned. Next month—same time, same place.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was bullied into writing more of this

“This month’s meeting of Middle-earth’s first and only shipping club is now in order,” Galadriel said. “A lot has happened since last month’s meeting—we have much to discuss. Gandalf, would you like to start?”

“Thorin and Bilbo are very close—I believe Thorin will make a move any day now,” said Gandalf. “After the battle with Azog, they definitely became a lot closer—that was a good call.”

“If they’re not together by the end of the quest, we can always get Smaug to make Thorin jealous—you know, steal Bilbo or something,” said Saruman.

“How many times have I told you that dragons are unpredictable? We can’t put them in actual danger,” said Galadriel. “I believe they will get together on their own now.”

Saruman just rolled his eyes.

“In other news, Dwalin and Ori have finally begun courting,” said Gandalf. “They haven’t announced it to the rest of the Company—probably for fear of Ori’s brothers’ reactions—but I’m a wizard you know, I know everything.”

A cheer went up from the rest of the group.

“It’s been months since anything actually became canon!” someone shouted.

Galadriel waited until everything had calmed down, and then said “What of Kili and Legolas?”

“They haven’t been in Mirkwood for long, but Thranduil managed to put them all in separate cells, so none of the others know that Legolas is visiting Kili. They seem to have hit it off spectacularly—I don’t think they’ll need intervention from us,” Gandalf said.

“Does anyone else have any new developments?” Galadriel asked. When they all shook their heads, she said “This month’s meeting of Middle-earth’s shipping club is adjourned. Next month, we’ll be meeting at King Thranduil’s palace to cut down on travel time.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [distant sounds of me trying to figure out why I had the urge to write this again after like 8 months]

"Alright, sorry to drag everyone out here on such short notice, but Gandalf tells me there've been some serious developments," Galadriel said.

"We've had a major breakthrough - and not just Bilbo breaking the company out of Thranduil's dungeons," Gandalf chuckled at his own wit. The rest of the council was less than amused. "Anyways, Thorin has finally made a move on Bilbo, and they've both finally admitted their feelings - to the surprise of no one but theirselves, of course."

A cheer went up from around the council.

Shouts of "They're finally canon!" and "You owe me a barrel of pipe weed, Saruman!", among other things, were all that could be heard for several minutes.

Azog dabbed at tears that were gathering in his eyes. "I always knew they'd finally admit it - oh, I'm so happy for them, I'm so glad I got to be part of starting their beautiful romance..."

Galadriel turned to Celeborn and muttered, "I don't think we've had two that reluctant to get together since Beren and Luthien, and that's saying something."

After everyone had calmed down (which took a ridiculously long time - immortal and/or extremely powerful beings though they were, they - namely Elrond and Gandalf - were quite an excitable bunch), Galadriel called order once again. "As far as I know, Kili and Legolas have begun courting, and Dwalin and Ori have announced their courting to the rest of the group. It seems that all three of the couples we have fixated on for the past months have no more need of our help. Does anyone have suggestions for who we should watch next?"

Radagast chose this moment to pipe up. "Well, that ranger - Strider, is it? Seems like he would be a good fit for Arwen."

Mutters of 'I can see that," and 'Oooh, we haven't had an elf and a human since Eärendil and Elwing!' along with a sniffly 'They'd be so beautiful together, I can see it already," from Azog were swiftly cut off by Elrond.

"No, oh no, no, no, no! We are not bringing Arwen into this."

"Oh, come now, Elrond. She's related to me too, and while I might not approve of that pairing, there is one elf in Lothlorien I've been keeping my eye on..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who didn't know, one of Celeborn's other names is Teleporno. I just felt that was worth mentioning.

**Author's Note:**

> *hides face in shame*


End file.
